The Art of Intimacy

Soulmaking involves embracing the physical body, the intellectual mind, the awake spirit and that deeper level of soul where we connect at our roots to all that is. Without the roots, the tree will never grow.

Reading – Masculinity Spirituality Restrains Eros

Spirituality has been the domain of the masculine perspective, where consciousness is measured by our capacity to focus on one thing — like the breath, or God — to the exclusion of all else, and then to order the world accordingly. The aspect of consciousness that becomes identified with this is the one that focuses on restraint, specifically restraint against the spontaneous communications from the body: the arising of thought, the control of pain, and the erotic impulse.

This “evolved” consciousness is associated with a personal will that is responsible for our experience. This perception is so ubiquitous that the concept of a spontaneous organization of the self — where the organism as a whole is responsible — is virtually non-existent. And yet, this unconscious control through the involuntary system, where food is digested and blood circulated, contains organized patterns that are far more intelligent and effective when they are fostered by conscious will rather than being interrupted by it. The conscious mind can scarcely begin to understand, much less operate at the level of, the unconscious; and yet, spirituality has for the most part tried to dominate and control our natural systems rather than learn from and foster them.

In Eros, true mastery is the submission to this natural intelligence. We first understand and then learn how to dedicate our will to working with this intelligence.

The body knows how to heal a wound. We can go against this wisdom and allow dirt to get in the wound, we can ignore it and take a chance, or we can keep the wound clean and allow the body to work and heal it optimally. We have to first understand that the body holds the healing and it is within us to follow its instructions rather than to employ our own ideas. When we do this, we can heal the split that was brought about by a focus that is in conflict with the arisings and hungers of the body. We repair the schism between the unconscious and the conscious mind, and between the controlled attention and the uncontrollable activity of the body. The activities of the body—such as aging, hunger, desire, thoughts, and feeling—are no longer things to be conquered, escaped, controlled or mastered. Instead, we want to know, accept, care for and work with them. In this way, we remedy a primary split: the relationship of against-ness — casting the body as the burden of consciousness, and equating restraint with godliness. Consciousness, once isolated and placed above the body and nature, is then able to be moved down and into the body in order to carry out its function as part of it, rather than as overseer and dictator.

From here, the relationship between the erotic impulse and consciousness proves to be one of deep alliance for the health of the whole, rather than the eternal opposition it has been held in. Eros has unwittingly, by its mere existence, been the utmost threat to exclusionary single-focused consciousness. In fact, a great deal of the effort of consciousness has been spent on repressing, redirecting, transmuting, demonizing, legislating, denying and otherwise attempting to dominate the erotic presence. This is because any surrendered form of engagement with the erotic presence would draw consciousness into the body and toward its deeply unfamiliar intelligence. And yet, the body remains utterly unaffected and unchanged; if anything, it has been made more potent by the attempt to drive it underground. As an opponent, it has proven most formidable, and this is because it holds a secret: consciousness exists not in spite of, but because of the body. Without the body to ground the potential that consciousness is, consciousness remains just that: potential.

The body then knows but does not assert dominion, while consciousness asserts dominion without the truth to back it.

When consciousness finally admits defeat, the world will be turned right side up.

Meditation 

Get into a comfortable position, either in a chair or seated in a meditation cushion. Set your timer for 20 minutes. Close your eyes and become aware of your breath and the sensations in your body. 

Don’t try to clear your mind of thoughts.  Allow yourself to get curious with the thoughts in your mind.  See what adventures they take you on.  Follow the thread that connects your thoughts.  Notice what themes are present in your thoughts.  Find the patterns. See where your mind takes you without forcing it to go in one direction or another.

At the end of the meditation, slowly bring yourself back into the room. Feel the seat beneath you and the sounds around you. Slowly open your eyes when you are ready. Write down the insights that came up. Was it hard or easy to just let the thoughts arise into our conscious awareness without judging or “fixing” them?

Exercise 

We all have our own thoughts, judgments, and biases around the body and how the mind and the intellect is superior. Write down what your own biases are of how the mind is superior to the body. Be honest and candid. How in the past have you relegated your body wisdom to a place beneath your intellect? Did it serve you or hurt you?

Example

Sometimes when I work on a day- long project with a tight deadline, I will start to ignore my body. I will work past the time I need to eat, refuse to go to the bathroom until I must, not take breaks, and generally disconnect from other human beings in order to “power through” and finish. It’s a place I think my mind knows better than my own body’s kind urges toward my basic needs, and it always backfires on me. I get tired earlier than I should, I feel weak and my thoughts get louder and darker. I feel distant from people and lonely. My attention feels strained and I get headaches. On the flipside, when I obey the impulses of my body at the time it’s actually asking me to, I am powered. I am stable. My mood is better. I text a friend when I need some love and connection and that bolsters me. My project flourishes in the sunlight of my quality attention rather than the darkness of my doubt and uncertainty. The difference is night and day, and yet, the compulsion to deny my body is so powerful, so ingrained, that I really have to make it a practice to listen and respond. 

“The Soul is the voice of the body’s interests.”

 George Santayana

Summary

You live in a world that leans heavily toward the mental/intellect and the spiritual/conscious awareness, but often leaves out the wisdom and knowings of the body. You looked at how you have done this and how it felt. Intellect is great, and spirituality is fine, but without the body, where the soul lives and moves and has its being, can you truly find real connection, love, and unconditional freedom.