The Art of Intimacy

What we resist, persists.

Intro

Tumescence is felt like a swelling, a build-up of pressure caused by the body’s natural response to physical, mental, spiritual, and sexual arousal. It is an engorgement and is encoded with a message that it needs relief and it needs release. That release comes through in the form of reactivity, fight, flight, or withdrawal. It is a collection of energy that takes on its own life and gets activated with the introduction of arousal. In many traditions we must merely subdue it. In this tradition we exploit it and convert it to a power that we will use to further power our attention. Tumescence demands release and we desire to learn the most empowering form of release that will serve us, not destroy us.

Reading – Defining Tumescence 

Tumescence is felt like a swelling, a build-up of pressure caused by the body’s natural response to physical, mental, spiritual and sexual arousal. It is encoded with a message that it needs relief and it needs release. That release comes through in the form of reactivity, fight, flight or withdrawal. It is a collection of energy that takes on its own life and gets activated with the introduction of arousal. In many traditions we must merely subdue it. In this tradition we exploit it and convert it to a power that we will use to further power our attention.

Tumescence often feels like a stranger, but it is not an unfamiliar feeling within us. It is a constant gathering of sensations, emotions, ideas, and experiences; of raw erotic wants and needs. When we experience tumescence we begin to fill, we feel a rise in our bodies, our hearts begin to beat faster, our spirits awaken, we become more aware, we feel more alive. We experience the want to cast aside convention, to expose our true self, to live from our primal, animal nature.

We aim to be in the optimal sweet spot with arousal, both in terms of opening to it and then directing it. Reaching that spot requires directing the energy released in arousal with our attention. Any energy that we do not consciously hold in our attention or do not discharge turns to tumescence. The result is an undirected activation of drive that over-stimulates our instincts.

So few have been trained to work with tumescence, consequently what the vast majority of us end up with is negative tumescence because we do not confront the tumescent energy until it actually “turns negative”. Were we to harness and direct it, at the beginning of its building while it was still neutral, it would occur as pleasurable arousal, inspiration, power and joy. Instead it accumulates and becomes stuck in the body, and occurs as agitation, discomfort or pain.

Meditation  

Get into a comfortable position, either in a chair or seated in a meditation cushion. Set your timer for 20 minutes. Close your eyes and become aware of your breath and the sensations in your body. 

Imagine a time when a situation presented itself, you got excited about it, and you said yes and went along with it without hesitation.  For example, maybe a friend invited you to go to a concert on short notice and it involved a major alteration of your plan for the day.  What did it feel like to open to that energy of yes I want to go?  How did you feel afterwards?  What sensations did you notice in your body?

Now imagine a time when you wanted to do something and talked yourself out of it. How did that feel? Could you sense the tension and resistance within when you struggled with wanting something and for whatever reasons chose not to pursue it, even when it might have been a wonderful opportunity?

At the end of the meditation, slowly bring yourself back into the room. Feel the seat beneath you and the sounds around you. Slowly open your eyes when you are ready. Journal on both experiences and how they felt. Notice the difference between the release of energy in the first visualization, and the blocking of energy in the second one.

Exercise 

Are you able to stay with the arousal? Do you quickly want to make something happen? Do you shut down from it? There is no right or wrong answer. This is simply a good way to reflect on how you respond so that you may get to know yourself better.  Here are a few prompts to get you started.

I tend to react when aroused by something by automatically _____________________________________________________________________________.

I usually respond when presented with something I want to do by ______________________________________________________________________________.

When I don’t do something I want, I feel ______________________________________.

Example

I was in a rut, feeling totally mired down and wallowing in my own muck; emotional pain, resentful thoughts, random physical ailments. Sadness, anger, general grouchiness. My brother suggested I paint something. I am not a painter. I thought he was crazy – my crazy artist brother trying to throw me a bone. But he kept insisting I try it, saying it would shake things up. He brought over a canvas and set it up for me and set up some paints, because I sure as hell wasn’t going to set it up. I walked past it in my rec room/garage for three days before I finally said, alright what the hell. I couldn’t even be bothered with paint brushes, I just used my hands. Like a little kid finger painting. And wouldn’t you know it, that fool was right. It did shake things up a little. It brought in a breath of fresh air and dare I say I felt a little joy. I was less sad; something about art makes being sad ok. I didn’t really have any thoughts while doing it, which was a relief to not be thinking all the time. Even my lower back and knees, both of which had been paining me, felt better. My brother would come by and see me more often to bring more art supplies so we started connecting more too. The experience reminded me to try new things to freshen life up. It really does make a big difference. 

A balloon blown up with too much air will eventually burst. 

So, too, will a mind, a heart, a body, a soul.

Summary

When we are filled with stored-up energy, we have two ways of dealing with it. We either take control and release it by channeling that energy into something we want, or we suffer by allowing it to continue to build, clog, and impede flow. Now we know what tumescence is and can identify it in our lives, and better respond to it than a knee-jerk reaction that may not serve our best interest.