OM Training
Session 2
The Steps to OM
Consent
In Orgasmic Meditation, each partner participates in their role of their own accord. Even though one position is sitting and one is lying down, each position requires active and genuine engagement.
Consent in OM is a continuous process that begins when you say yes to an OM and continues upon entry into the nest and, provided both partners follow the protocols, is affirmed by each partner’s words and actions until the OM is complete. This means that all steps, including those that involve physical contact, imply consent unless either partner, at any moment, verbally withdraws their consent. In this case, the OM stops immediately.
This might be a challenging aspect of the practice for some. OM can be considered an environment for practicing being present, engaged, and communicative while actively giving consent to another person. Both partners need to navigate their own sense of safety, and communicate about their internal state during an OM. Again, OM provides a setting for this exploration.
This process can involve opting out of the experience at any time. In OM, you practice stating what you need and want, including if you need to stop an OM. It’s crucial that both partners are responsible, empowered, and care about their own experience enough that either would stop the OM at any time if asked. Should you find yourself in a situation where you want to stop the OM, you are responsible for verbally informing your partner. This could be as simple as announcing, “I want to stop the OM now.” A response can be as simple as, “Thank you,” “Ok,” or “Yes.” At this point both people should stop what they are doing and exit the nest.
It can be uncomfortable to go against the flow of a situation, to disrupt or interrupt an experience as it is happening, especially when another person is involved. For precisely this reason it is of the utmost importance OM practitioners treat the knowing of their own needs with the highest dignity and significance. If you’re reading these words and you feel like this is a difficult proposition, then you are correctly assessing the amount of volition and self-awareness it takes to place your experience above all other considerations.
You should wait to start an OM practice until you feel confident you would be able to stop an OM if you felt you wanted to for any reason.
Once you are in the nest and have not overtly stated your intent to stop the OM, it is a communication that you are a willing, engaged, consenting participant who expects the steps of OM to proceed.
What Do Orgasmic Meditation Practitioners Agree to Do?
OM partners agree that while in the nest they will abide by the protocols of the practice and stay within the bounds of the container. If you aren’t within the bounds of the container, you aren’t having an OM.
Practitioners agree to complete their own basic training in Orgasmic Meditation (like this one, or going through the upcoming OM App).
In order for somebody to be an OM practitioner, they must have received training. If one partner doesn’t understand what it means to fully participate in an OM, even if the other partner does, it’s not an OM.
Again, partners agree to communicate clearly about their needs. In the event one partner wants to stop the OM, they are responsible for communicating it. For example, simply stating, “I’d like to stop the OM now” could be one way to let your partner know about your needs.
Always respect and listen to your partner.
The Steps of Orgasmic Meditation
In this section, you’ll learn about each phase of the Orgasmic Meditation protocol as well as what supplies you’ll need in order to practice and create a nest. You’ll also learn about what happens during the OM, from stroking form and the different kinds of strokes to what the strokee does during the experience, as well as the communication style used in OM.
Components of the Nest
In preparation for your OM practice, you’ll need to learn how to create a nest.
First, a well-lit space is essential. Make sure you set up your nest in a location where you can see clearly.
Now, regarding the supplies, you may already have some of these items and others you may need to acquire:
- Yoga mat. It is suggested that practitioners of OM in a neutral location like a floor as opposed to a bed. If your floor is hard, a yoga mat can add increased comfort for the strokee. It’s optional but recommended.
- A blanket for the strokee to lie down on. Any blanket folded into a long rectangle will work. This provides a soft, comfortable place to lie down and goes on top of the yoga mat if you’re using one.
- At least three pillows. It’s important for both partners to be comfortable and physically supported during the practice. Three pillows is a good amount to start with and you may need more depending on the shape of your body and how it meshes with your partner’s body.
- A meditation cushion or something firm for the stroker to sit upon. If a cushion isn’t available, a stack of blankets can be substituted. It’s important for the stroker to have a firm seating cushion of adequate height.
- We recommend buying a new set of small washcloths to be used strictly for OM. The washcloth is used to collect excess lubricant in the concluding steps of the OM. Use a clean washcloth each time you OM.
- Lubricant. For OM, you will need lubricant. We have tested many kinds and recommend using an oil-based lubricant that maintains viscosity rather than thin silicon- or water-based lubricants, which tend to dry out or otherwise dissipate easily.
- Timer. You will need a timer to precisely measure fifteen minutes with an interval bell at the thirteen-minute mark.
● Well-fitting gloves for the stroker. Gloves are part of the practice and serve multiple purposes. The first is that they offer a protective barrier. Remember when we talked about vigilance earlier on? The gloves remove the question about whether the stroker washed their hands or how thoroughly they washed them. Even one tiny bit of bacteria under a fingernail can cause issues. Gloves remove any doubt and allow the mind to relax. The second purpose for gloves is that for OM partners who might be physically intimate in other ways, the gloves provide a clear signal that OM belongs solely in its own context.
Anatomy
The practice of OM requires both partners learn to identify, locate, and describe various aspects of female genital anatomy. Features will vary, but generally, a woman’s anatomy looks like this:
Here, you have her outer lips or her labia majora.
These are her inner lips, her labia minora.
This is her introitus, the entry to her vagina.
Where the labia minora meet at the top is what we call her clitoral hood.
If you gently slide that hood back, you can often see a small, pink bump—the clitoris itself.
Step 1—Ask for an OM
The first step in Orgasmic Meditation is one person asking another person to OM. Both people must be trained in the practice of OM. If the person receiving the request doesn’t know what they’re saying “yes” to, it’s not an OM.
In OM, we ask in a way that reflects the notion both partners are doing something together—not that one partner is doing something to or for the other. So, we say something like, “Would you like to have an OM?” as opposed to, “Can I OM you?” Can you hear a difference?
The person receiving the request to OM is free to accept or decline with or without explanation. People say no for many reasons that aren’t personal. If you get a “No,” simply say, “Thank you” and remember it might just be “no” for right now. Unless otherwise requested, you always have the option to ask again another time.
When asking somebody to OM, keep the request simple and separate. This means we don’t mix invitations to OM with other invitations, such as, “Would you like to OM and take a walk?” When we combine invitations, it might bring up feelings of obligation to do both when we only want to do one of them. By keeping invitations separate you know what you are saying Yes to, and what you are saying No to.
Here are a few examples of correct and incorrect form for asking and responding to requests to OM.
Correct form for asking somebody to OM:
“Would you like to have an OM?”
“Would you like to OM?”
Incorrect form:
“Will you stroke me?”
“Can I OM you?”
“We should OM sometime!”
Correct form to respond to an offer to OM:
“Yes, I would like to OM.”
“No, I would not like to OM.”
“No, thanks.”
“Love to, sounds great.”
Incorrect form to respond to an offer to OM:
“I guess so.”
“I’m not comfortable yet, but let’s do it anyway.”
“Maybe” or “maybe later.”
If you’ve agreed to OM, set a date, time, and location. Sometimes partners make an agreement to have a regularly scheduled OM at a particular date, time, and location. In this case, you do not have to ask every time. You can always change an agreement for any reason.
Step 2—Set Up the Nest
Step 2 is setting up the nest. The way you set up the supplies for an OM is always the same and the way you set up those supplies matters. Take your time, and deliberately place everything where it belongs.
Where Should We Place the Nest?
You want your nest located in a space that feels relaxing to you. Most practitioners find a location on the floor of a room in their living space. As we’ve mentioned, if you can avoid using a bed, we strongly suggest doing so. Make sure your space is comfortable, well lit, and secure.
How to Arrange the Nest
Once you’ve chosen a comfortable space for the nest, follow these steps for setting it up:
- Lay out the yoga mat and place the blanket on top of it; make sure both are straight and smooth.
- Next, place a pillow at the top for the strokee’s head.
- Place two more pillows at both sides of the blanket midway down for support under the strokee’s left knee and the stroker’s right knee.
- Place the washcloth next to the firm cushion in the middle of the blanket, directly beneath where the strokee’s genitals will be.
- Place the gloves, lubricant, and timer in a location that is within reach for the stroker once seated in the nest, usually just to the their right.
- Next, prepare the timer so that when its time to start the fifteen-minute countdown it’s ready to go.
● Now, both stroker and strokee are ready to get into position.
Step 3—Getting into Position
Now that you’ve set up the nest, the next step is getting into it. Getting into the OM position can be a little awkward to start with but learning what feels comfortable for you and your partner physically and becoming comfortable with the practice overall tend to go hand-in-hand. In this module, we’ll describe how each partner gets in and out of the nest during the OM.
Strokee
First, undress from the waist down. Then, lay down in the nest with your head resting on the pillow. Make sure the washcloth is centered under your genital area. With your knees raised, place your feet on the ground and let your left knee fall open onto the left pillow. Your right knee will eventually rest on your stroker’s leg, so it can simply stay put. Find a position for your arms that feels comfortable. It’s common to extend your arms out, or by your sides, or rest them on your torso. Stay relaxed and remember to breathe normally.
Stroker
Position the meditation cushion against your partner’s right hip. Standing behind the cushion, place your right foot to the right of the cushion. Then take your left foot and step over your partner’s body, placing that foot near their left hip.
Slowly lower yourself down to sit on the cushion. The sole of your left foot should be flat on the ground, while your left leg extends over your partner’s waist, knee bent in the air. Be careful not to rest the weight of the left leg on her stomach.
Your right leg will naturally slide out to the side at a comfortable angle, bending slightly at the knee so the sole of your right foot faces away from you. Your right knee rests on the right pillow.
Strokee
Strokee, once your partner is seated comfortably, bring your right leg over the stroker’s right leg. Communicate with the stroker to adjust the pillow arrangement so your right leg feels adequately supported. You can ask for additional pillows if needed.
This is a good time for the stroker to notice their body position. You are aiming to have your left knee at approximately the midpoint over the strokee’s body, so the top of your knee is more or less over the strokee’s belly button. Now, rest your left elbow directly on the left kneecap. Notice if when you swivel your arm down, does your hand land directly over your strokee’s genitals? This is the orientation we’re aiming for. There should be little to no tension in the left shoulder.
Note: This is also a good time to notice if you are comfortable. Do either of you feel like you need more pillows or does the stroker need to sit a little higher up? Feel free to experiment with multiple additional pillows and supports. Fifteen minutes can become a very long time without the proper comfort.
Getting Out of Position
To get out of the position at the end of an OM, the stroker swivels their left leg toward the right side of the nest, and the strokee swivels her right leg toward the left side of the nest. The stroker can then offer to help the strokee up to a seated position.
Steps 4, 5, and 6—Safeporting, Grounding, and Noticing
In Step 4, we begin by introducing you to a new term known as safeporting. Safeporting is when one person tells another what they’re going to do before they do it. The benefit of safeporting is that knowing what to expect before it occurs has us relax and feel prepared. Safeporting removes ambiguity and surprise and is especially helpful if we’re already feeling vigilant. An important distinction here is that safeporting isn’t asking permission. It’s doing somebody the kindness of letting them know what’s going to happen and when. Safeporting occurs here in this step and again in a few minutes when genital contact is made for the first time.
For the first safeport, the stroker will announce that they will be placing their hands on the thighs of the strokee.
The form of this communication should be simple and basic. The stroker can say, “I’m going to touch your thighs now” or “I’m going to give you some grounding pressure now.” Once the stroker has given this safeport, Step 4 is complete.
The strokee can respond with a simple acknowledgment like an “Ok” or “Thank you.”
Next is Step 5, Grounding. The stroker places their hands on the strokee’s thighs—right hand on the inner-right thigh, and left hand on the inner-left thigh—with slightly more pressure than they would use were they just resting them there. The hands are placed midway between the knee and hips with medium pressure, fingers close together. The hands remain still and in position for about ten seconds. This is a great moment for both partners to take a deep breath, sink in, and place their attention on what they feel in their own bodies.
The purpose of Step 5 is to establish a basic physical connection both partners can relax into known as grounding. Grounding brings our attention to the body through the physical contact it offers and smooths that feeling out without losing its energizing quality.
The stroker keeps their hands on the strokee’s thighs while they continue into Step 6—Noticing.
The noticing step is where the stroker looks at their partner’s genitals and describes some physical characteristics of what they see in a value-neutral manner. Value neutral simply means described in terms of color, shape, texture, or size without adding positive or negative connotations also known as value judgments.
So, for instance, the stroker may say something like, “I notice a light-pink color on the outside of your left outer labia” or “There is a small, dark dot on the skin of your clitoral hood.”
Here, the strokee can simply say, “Thank you” to acknowledge the communication.
An example of what not to say would be offering a metaphor or value-laden adjectives like “Your inner labia look like a rose” or “Your introitus is so beautiful.” Keep it simple. No need to get fancy.
The purpose of this step is to anchor both partners’ attention on the strokee’s genitals and it’s an opportunity for both partners to become present. For the stroker, notice if you find yourself wanting to add value judgments on top of the simple description. You can just notice that and let it go.
For many strokees, being noticed in this way is a new experience and it may be helpful to journal about it afterward.
Once you’ve completed the noticing step you’re done with Step 6.
Steps 7 and 8—Putting on Gloves and Applying Lubricant
At this point, you’re in the nest. You’ve completed one safeport, you’ve grounded, and you’ve completed the noticing step. Now it’s time for the stroker to put on gloves.
Best glove practices for the stroker:
- When you go to put on the gloves, try to keep the right elbow or forearm connected to the strokee’s thigh to maintain the physical connection you established during grounding.
- You’ll also want to make sure the glove is flat and as free from wrinkles as possible against the pad of your left index finger.
- It’s a good idea to have an extra glove around and ready to use in case a glove tears.
- Having some baby powder available in case your hands are sweaty helps to put the glove on smoothly. Try to avoid getting baby powder on the outside of your glove.
- Remember: Gloves are part of the practice and must be worn, no matter what.
Once the gloves are on, you’ve completed Step 7.
For Step 8, the stroker applies a nickel-sized amount of lubricant to their left index finger and lightly coats the pad of the right thumb.
Steps 9, 10, and 11—The Second Safeport, Starting Time, and the Stroking Portion of the OM
We’ve already introduced the word “safeport” once before. The stoker is going to use it again now in Step 9 to begin the sequence of steps that leads us into the stroking portion of the OM.
Step 9 is the second safeport. The stroker will say, “I’m going to touch your genitals now” to let the strokee know genital contact is about to occur. As with the first safeport, the strokee can simply acknowledge with a “Thank you” or “Ok.”
Step 10 occurs directly afterward. In Step 10, the stroker starts the fifteen-minute timer commencing the stroking portion of the OM.
Step 11—The stroking portion of the OM, begins with the lube stroke—the first moment of genital contact. The lube stroke has two forms, which follow these sequences, respectively.
Form A:
- Using the left thumb and middle finger, gently part the strokee’s outer labia. Drop the tip of the left index finger to the base of the introitus while keeping the labia parted with the middle finger and thumb—and slowly move the left index fingertip up from the base of the introitus, up through the parted labia, to the clitoris.
- Allow the left middle finger to break contact while the left thumb slides to the top of the clitoral hood. The thumb rests just above the hood, pulling it back to expose the glans of the clitoris.
- Once the left index finger and thumb are situated, the right thumb is placed at the base of the introitus, simply resting stationary with no more than a centimeter or two of the thumbnail over the threshold of the introitus while applying light pressure downward. The rest of the right hand can rest on the ground or be placed under the strokee’s bottom, knuckles down. Strokers can simply say, “Lift up” at this point, and the strokee lifts her hips up slightly, the stroker’s right hand slides under, and the strokee can then let her hips return to the ground, now resting on the underside of the stroker’s right fingers.
That’s lube stroke form A. Alternately, if the strokee’s anatomy does not permit the easeful use of this form, a second form of the lube stroke can be used—form B.
Form B:
- Using the middle and ring fingers of each hand, gently part the outer labia on either side —left fingers on left labia and right fingers on right labia—and with the tip of the left index finger, slowly move it up from the base of the introitus between the parted labia to the clitoris.
- The left thumb is placed at the top of the clitoral hood and the fingers that were parting the labia are released. The thumb rests just above the hood, pulling it back to expose more of the clitoris.
- Once the left index finger and thumb are situated, the right thumb is placed at the base of the introitus, simply resting stationary with no more than a centimeter or two of the thumbnail over the threshold of the introitus while applying light pressure downward. The rest of the right hand can rest on the ground or be placed under the strokee’s bottom, knuckles down. Strokers can simply say, “Lift up” at this point, and the strokee lifts her hips up slightly, the stroker’s right hand slides under, and the strokee can then let her hips return to the ground, now resting on the underside of the stroker’s right fingers.
Now that we’ve discussed the lube stroke, we’re going to break down the hand position you’ll be using to stroke with.
First, hold up your left hand in a C shape. Next, turn that C shape downward toward the ground so it becomes an upside-down U. Then, ball up each finger except the index and thumb. Lastly, slightly hook the end of your index finger; that’s your stroking hand. This is what your hand will look like after the end of the lube stroke.
You’re now in position for the stroking portion of the OM.
Stroking
Let’s talk about the stroking portion of the OM. The stroking portion technically begins the moment the timer is started and concludes when the timer ends. Starting with the lube stroke, all genital contact occurs during this period of time.
As we’ve mentioned before, for the entire duration of the OM, both partners aim to keep their attention on what they can sense in their own bodies, starting with the point of connection between clitoris and finger.
In OM, we define stroking as the act of brushing the finger across the surface of the clitoris. For the stroker, stroking would appear to be their primary activity during an OM. It’s in their title, after all. But when a stroker sits down for an OM, how do they know how fast or slow, or firm or light, or where on the clitoris to stroke? Should they do a light, medium-speed, medium-length upstroke? Or a slow, firm, long, downstroke? This “not knowing” what to do or how to do it can be quite anxiety producing for a new stroker. And yes, while there is a whole protocol to follow in order to get the OM rolling, most of the anxiety around how to stroke is rooted in a simple misunderstanding: you are not supposed to know how to stroke until you put your finger on the clitoris.
Types of Strokes
Upstrokes and Downstrokes
Let’s have a look at a basic stroke.
We’ll get into the different ways you can vary the stroke but for now, simply pay attention to the movement of the finger. Notice how the finger stays arched and slightly hooked at the tip. This allows the stroker to maintain contact with the clitoris. See how they never break contact? Also notice: the stroke is a brushing motion, not a rub.
Notice how the stroke has a slight inflection upward. Each time the fingertip moves in the upward direction, there is a slight emphasis. This is referred to as an “upstroke” because of the upward inflection.
The form for an upstroke is to use the tip of the finger. Upstrokes tend to be lighter in pressure and shorter in length. The feeling tone of an upstroke tends toward “bright.”
Now, we’re going to change directions to a downstroke.
Here, you can see the inflection has shifted to the downward direction. Downstrokes use more of the pad of the finger, and they tend to be broader and longer. The feeling tone of a downstroke tends toward “rich.”
Start with a Downstroke
We begin each OM with a few priming downstrokes. Since downstrokes are grounding, starting the OM with a few of them helps both partners descend down out of their thoughts. It’s a good way to release whatever tension we’re arriving to the OM with—to establish a baseline of relaxation and openness and contact with the body.
Location
We introduced you to the anatomy of the clitoris earlier on in Module 1. It reappears here so you know how to describe the location of the stroke. In terms of the clitoris itself, we have found having a shared idiom with which to describe location is helpful. In OM, we refer to the spots on the clitoris as corresponding to the hours on a clockface with the top of the clitoris (the part nearest the belly button) being the twelve o’clock spot, and the bottom being the six o’clock spot. Many practitioners report that strokes further up on the clitoris tend to feel brighter while those toward the base of it tend to feel richer and earthier. They can also change feeling from OM to OM. We encourage you to experiment with the different spots and discover how the different spots on the clitoris respond.
Pressure
Pressure can be measured in terms of light, medium, and firm pressure. In order to give you a sense of them, we’re going to suggest you stroke a right knuckle on your right hand with your left finger.
For light pressure, you should simply stroke the surface of the skin on the knuckle without causing a depression in the skin at all. You should be able to feel the smoothness of the skin on the tip of your finger. It might even tickle a little bit.
For medium pressure, stroke a little bit firmer, just enough so you don’t feel a tickle anymore.
And for firm pressure, stroke another order of magnitude more firmly so you can just feel the bone under the knuckle.
Another way you can gauge the firmness of your stroke is to close your eyes and gently stroke the surface of your eyelid with your finger. A light stroke will just barely move the skin.
Speed
Speed can be measured in terms of slow, medium, and fast.
A rubric for stroking speeds is as follows. Keep in mind, there is some gray area between stroke speeds but these are the guidelines:
- A slow stroke is a full stroke, both up and down motions, that occurs slower than every other second. To see what this feels like in practice, if you set a timer for ten seconds and complete five or less full strokes then you’ve experienced a slow stroke. If you end up with a little more than five full strokes in ten seconds you’re moving into medium speed.
- A medium-speed stroke begins at around a full stroke per second. In ten seconds, you should be able to complete around ten full strokes.
- A fast stroke begins at around two full strokes per second.
Length
The length of the stroke refers to how many millimeters (mm) the stroke covers on the clitoris.
There are five “lengths” of strokes:
- Hold: no stroke
- Tiny: 1 mm
- Short: 2 mm
- Medium: 5 mm
- Long: 10 mm
Peaking
As we proceed through the OM, we shift one or more of these variables at a time. There is a tactile sense of having found the resonant stroke for the feeling tone. Some people describe it as a zing, or a light glimmer on the finger. When this tactile sense begins to wane, we change a variable, sometimes intuitively, sometimes through trial and error, until we find the next resonant stroke. During a single OM, it’s typical to change the stroke more times than you can keep track of to keep up with the dynamism of the clitoris.
Each stroke has a finite life; they are perishable. Some strokes last mere moments while others may endure for minutes at a time, though this is less common. We aim to change the stroke right before the stroke we are currently on begins to wane. In other words, we want to catch the change just as the peak of the current stroke is arriving.
Don’t worry—it’s an art, not a science. But it is something both partners will become quite skilled at sensing before too long in the practice. There is a felt sense to having overstayed in anything—a restaurant, a friend’s house, or even a job. We refer to this exploration of feeling and timing as the art of peaking. To discern the moment of peaking is referred to as calling the peak.
Communication During an OM
Offers and requests introduce an opportunity for collaborative experimentation between partners. Neither partner has to be positive their adjustment will be “right.” Getting it “right,” is not, after all, the point: Letting sensation guide the experience is. Because strokes are already measured in terms of pressure, speed, length, direction, and location, these are the same aspects that might make up an offer or request. Practitioners report that over time, the strokee can acquire the ability to accurately discern and clearly direct her stroker to the stroke of highest resonance on her clitoris. Similarly, practitioners report that strokers can become quite adept at sensing the stroke of highest resonance without verbal adjustment from the strokee.
Offers and requests should be simple and actionable. Simple means that each offer only contains one change from the current stroke such as a change in location or speed, but not both at once. To make an actionable offer or request is to stay out of qualitative and general language. For instance, instead of offering or requesting a “better” or “more resonant” or “different” stroke, make sure the communication is specific and actionable by the stroker.
You’ll also want to avoid questions like “Does this feel good?” or “Am I doing this right?” or “What would you like?” These kinds of questions make the strokee think too much. They also might not want to hurt the stroker’s feelings and withhold the truth as a result. Following these guidelines should help.
Correct form for offers and requests:
“Would you like/Can I have a firmer stroke?”
“Would you like/Can I have a slower stroke?”
“Would you like/Can I have a shorter stroke?”
“Would you like/Can I have an upstroke?”
“Would you like me to/Would you move a little to the right?”
When receiving an offer, the strokee can say “Yes” or “No”. After hearing the “Yes “or “No”, the stroker says, “Thank you” to acknowledge the communication.
When receiving a request, the stroker can likewise say, “Thank you.”
The strokee can always decline an offer, but strokers should comply with requests provided the request is within the bounds of the practice.
Steps 12, 13, 14 — Drawing the OM to a Close
The Two-Minute Mark and Final Downstrokes
When there are only two minutes left on the timer, the stroker will announce “two minutes.” Even if your timer has a chime to note there are two minutes remaining, this is always verbalized. At this point in the OM, both partners prepare for the stroking portion of the OM to come to a close in a few ways. No matter what, the last two minutes should end with both partners feeling more grounded. This is accomplished by using exclusively downstrokes. The two minutes gives a little time to finish a peak gracefully if you’re in the middle of one.
First, the stroker should use their intuition to feel for how the descent of the final two minutes should go. Commonly, the stroker will taper off the peak they’re on, shift to a downstroke, and continue until the strokes become progressively slower, more firm, short- to medium-length downstrokes using the pad of the finger from the twelve o’clock spot to the six o’clock spot, like a crescendo. So, for example, if the stroke had been a fast, light, short upstroke on the ten o’clock spot just before the two-minute mark, the stroker will spend maybe the first thirty seconds or so of the two minutes gradually shifting the stroke to the slower, firmer, short- to medium-length downstroke. Once you’ve entered this final, downward descent, one downstroke should take approximately as much time as one exhalation while breathing normally.
The End of the Stroking Portion
Continue with the final downstrokes until the e bell sounds on your timer. At this point, stroking stops completely. Once you’ve stopped stroking, you’ve successfully completed Step 11.
There may be a tendency in one or both partners to want to keep going up until the very last few moments of the stroking portion. Remember, you don’t have to stretch this experience out. You can have as many OMs as you want.
Plus, what goes up must come down. You may not realize it but it can take a few minutes to reacclimate after the arcs of the stroking portion with its soaring highs and if you do not come down deliberately in these last few minutes with some firmer pressure, experienced practitioners report it can happen in less enjoyable ways. Stubbing toes, bonking heads, and making clumsy mistakes are all methods of applying pressure unintentionally that are not particularly enjoyable. Many practitioners report simply acknowledging that this time to come down aids them in the process.
Step 12—Final Grounding
At this point, the fifteen minutes of stroking have concluded. For final grounding, the stroker places their left hand over their partner’s genitals, fingers together, facing downward. They place their right hand over their left, fingers together and pointing upward, and apply firm pressure distributed equally down on the strokee’s pubic bone and up toward the strokee’s head. The pressure relieves the genital area of engorgement, and, like the other grounding pressure and strokes we’ve applied throughout the experience, helps smooth out the more energizing quality of the stroking portion of the OM. The final grounding pressure is typically held for between five and ten seconds.
Steps 13 and 14—Towel Stroke and Removing Gloves
The towel stroke employs the washcloth under the strokee’s genitals as a means to collect excess lubricant.
Once the final grounding is complete, the strokee can lift up her hips at which point the stroker retrieves the towel from under her and folds it in half.
The stroker positions the top of the folded towel lengthwise over their partner’s genitals, holding the top of the towel with their left hand. The stroker’s right hand is placed on the reverse side of the towel from where it makes genital contact. The stroker’s right hand should be more or less over the whole of the front of the introitus and labia.
Gently and with consistency, pull the washcloth upward with the left hand while maintaining pressure with the right hand, as the washcloth collects the lubricant. Be careful not to drag too firmly over the top of the genitals as the towel can feel abrasive to the clitoris. You’ll also want to avoid starting too low as fecal matter can contaminate the towel.
Once the length of the towel has been completely drawn upwards over the strokee’s genitals, the stroker opens the towel up and then reverses the fold of the towel, so the lube is now on the inside. Then, the stroker lays the towel over the strokee’s genitals and leave it there.
At this point, the stroker removes their gloves: take off one glove by pulling from the wrist inside-out over the fingers and bunch it up into the palm of the still-gloved hand, then take off the second glove in the same way with the first glove wrapped inside of it. Discard.
The stroker now offers a hand or arm to assist the strokee up to join them in a seated position. Finally, the stroker can swivel to their left in order to more directly face the strokee.
Steps 15 and 16—Sharing Frames and Cleaning Up the Nest
Sharing Frames is the second to last step of the OM. A frame is a brief, value-neutral description of one moment during an experience.
The main reason we share frames is to develop a bridge between the feeling, sensory, and linguistic parts of the brain. We have found that finding language, no matter how limited it may be, to describe what we feel and having a way to close out the experience gives each partner more insight into what they felt, and what the other person felt. In a sense, frames help us to digest the rich experiences we just had. Practitioners report that over time they begin to develop a sense of fluency with sensation-based language, and that their ability to discern finer, more subtle elements of their experience greatly increases.
Because we’re focused on our connection to the body, in OM, we use the same kind of value-neutral language we learned about in previous steps. For frames, you can use tangible adjectives. So, for example, descriptions of:
- Temperature
- Speed
- Vibration
- Movement
- Length
- Weight or pressure
- Solidity
- Density
- Texture
- Location
Here are a few examples:
“There was a moment when I felt a hot, fast, light buzzing sensation in my finger.”
“There was a moment when I felt a warm, tingly, slow, misty sensation in my stomach.”
“There was a moment I felt a cool, sharp, pointy sensation in my clitoris.”
Notice here we spoke about what we did feel, not what we didn’t. Keep frames in the positive. Something you didn’t feel or expected to feel isn’t a sensation, it’s a judgment.
During this step, both partners each share one frame. After your partner shares their frame, you can simply say, “Thank you.”
So much can happen in an OM. Remember, while you might experience a range of emotions and other observations during the OM, frames are based solely in sensation. Once you’re done with the OM and have put away the nest, if you and your partner still want to talk about other aspects of the experience you’re welcome to do so. In the coming modules, we’ll discuss the practice of OM Journaling which can aid in the process described above. Once both partners have shared a frame, Step 15 is complete.
After sharing frames, the strokee puts her clothing back on and the nest is broken down. Both partners put away the nest and clean up the supplies. Make sure to store your nest neatly somewhere so it’s ready for the next time you OM. Once the nest is put away, both Step 16 and your OM are complete.