The Art of Intimacy

“Follow your inner moonlight: don’t hide the madness.”

Allen Ginsberg

Reading – Desire is Your True North

Working with desire is simple but not easy. It requires a diligent and consistent focus and the development of a consistent inquiring ambient attention. What this looks like is having a sense of our true North. Our true North is a place where even for a second, we have felt free from the narrative mind, the confines of time, the pressure of the body and have sensed effortlessness, depth, beauty and being moved in each moment. We sense whether whatever is entering our consciousness will bring us closer to that sense of freedom or away from it. This is not to be confused with the escape-seeking mind that is looking for mere relief; here we are setting our compass to and through the liberation mind. Having made our decision, we use ambient attention to sense the options. Does the sensation of liberation increase or decrease when we project our mind into the next stroke? When the next stroke will be less sensational than the last, it is time to change the stroke.

At any given moment, we are maintaining a steady stream of alive, open and spacious sensation, using that as our guide and moving towards or away from phenomena based on how closely it matches up to this sensation. If we continue to focus here regardless, our programmed preferences shift. What we think of as attractive or repulsive does not always match up with our internal sensory magnet. What we perceive to be our limitations are often constructs, not of our being but of our minds. It may be time to stop before we want to or a place to continue where we would otherwise quit but we are either in it or not. It is binary in that way.

All excellence, relief, genius and ultimately liberation comes from simply sensing and responding to this single felt sense memory of freedom. We build our entire consciousness around it in order to create an attention that is resilient, flexible, and subtle enough to remain with the content of this stream regardless of the conditions of the mind or our environment. This is our refuge. But it is a refuge that requires eternal and vigilant maintenance.

Meditation – Meditating on the compass inside that guides you

Sit in a quiet space alone for ten minutes. Visualize a small glowing ball somewhere between your solar plexus and heart, right in the center of your body. It’s soft, it glows with a butter yellow light, and pulses gently. Like a soft little sun. Its radiance feels in all directions in your body, and extends into all directions of your life, like an alive, 3 dimensional nautical star. This is the compass of your desire. It doesn’t leave your body to go search for things; it just lives right there, pulsing gently, sharing information with you about your desires. Remember: true desire only lives in the body. 

After completing the meditation, write down any thoughts about your own true North that arose in the silence. Can you feel more of a connection to that inner guidance? Meditation is a wonderful way to connect with the compass within and strengthen the bond so that we can better discern its guidance and wisdom. 

Exercise

Write out 10 desires and how they point you to a deeper knowledge about yourself. Examples: I desire a pink frosted cupcake with rainbow sprinkles, which might show me that my inner child is asking for some attention and air time (give them the cupcake!!). I desire time away from work and home, to travel somewhere with a beautiful beach, which shows me that I’m feeling stress and anxiety about work or home, and need to look at reorganizing or re-prioritizing some things to get back to myself. I desire a spa day and a massage, which tells me that my body is asking me to return to it, asking for my care and attention. 

Don’t judge or censor what you desire. This list is for you and you alone so be honest and open about what you want, and how it points to a deeper aspect of you that asks to be recognized.

Example 1

I remember the first time I ever took a Bikram yoga class. I had to curl up on the floor for part of it in the fetal position, I was so knocked back by the heat and the movements. But afterward, my god, the blessed emptiness of my mind was stunning! I had no thoughts, my body was pulsing with life, I felt totally at one with the moment. I could clearly feel each thing my body needed next: this particular kind of juice, and that exact type of food, and oh wow my friend touched my shoulder and it felt so good. Each gulp of the juice and bite of the food was perfect, my body exulting in being given precisely what it desired. Everything was so simple; I could see how much I was always over thinking and over complicating everything, and in that moment, it just seemed silly. Get in your body, listen to desire, follow desire. 

Example 2

I wanted a massage to the point where I could swear my cells and bones cried out for some relief. I always thought getting a massage was frivolous and that I shouldn’t be spending my money on something so selfish, but I broke down and made an appointment. It was a one hour massage using heated stones and as I lay there face down, with these hot stones down my back, I could swear I was releasing everything negative from the past ten years. My body fell into such a deep and needed state of relaxation, it was as if every cell and bone and tissue was weeping with gratitude. I realized that massage was important to my well-being and decided to make it a monthly thing and to stop believing my desires are frivolous.

You can use your desire like an inner GPS, directing you to the path that is yours and yours alone to follow.

Summary

In this lesson, you learned that desire is like a compass or inner guidance system, pointing to a deeper knowledge of who you are and what you want. And that desires which nurture and nourish your body and soul are not frivolous.